JERUSALEM — A local rabbi named Jesus has been accused of being a dangerous Christian Nationalist after saying that soon he will establish his kingdom over the whole earth.
"This Jesus guy is clearly an enemy of our Liberal World Order," said Sadducee Yavid Faranch during a weekly address at the synagogue. "One of his disciples even claims Jesus will 'rule the nations with a rod of iron!' You can't get more fascist than that. Disgusting."
The young rabbi's words come on the heels of several other inflammatory and disturbing statements which have led local leadership to see him as an existential threat to democracy. Such statements include commanding his followers to "drink my blood and eat my flesh" and an ominous threat to destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days all by himself.
"Frankly he sounds unhinged," said Faranch. "No one has the right to subvert the will of the people and rule them according to his own narrow views. There's no telling what he might do if we don't stop him."
At publishing time, Jesus had found himself in more hot water after claiming he wasn't there to "bring peace, but a sword."
Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job: