U.S.
Jeff Bezos Announces He Will Step Down From Amazon To Focus On Being A Bond Villain

SEATTLE, WA—Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has announced he will be stepping down from the company he founded to spend more time focusing on his lifelong dream of being a Bond Villain.

"Running Amazon with my army of warehouse minions has been fun," he said, "but it has really taken me away from some of my lifelong passions-- like building superweapons in space to dry up the world's oceans, or creating a killer virus so I can make trillions selling the cure, or having a shark tank in my living room!"

Bezos will be spending the next decade constructing an undersea lair where he will spend most of his retirement. He has warned MI6 and the CIA to "stay out of his business."

"Don't anyone try to stop me! You will fail-- even you, 007. HEeee hee hee hee h--" Bezos stopped and cleared his throat. "Still working on the evil laugh, sorry." 

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