NEW YORK, NY — A terrorist became frustrated and decided the attack he had been planning wasn't worth the trouble after spending three hours in the TSA line at the airport.
After months of meticulous planning to hijack a passenger plane, the terrorist eventually grew impatient and gave up on the plot altogether.
"This is ridiculous. I have a plane to catch," Muhamed Abdullah was heard muttering to himself. "I really wanted to do this terrorist attack thing, but this line is going nowhere. We haven't moved for 20 minutes. I'm just going to grab some frozen yogurt and see if there's a woman we can yell at for not wearing a hijab."
After waiting for over three hours in line to get through security at John F. Kennedy International Airport, Abdullah reportedly gave up and left the building.
"Hey! We got one!" TSA Agent Dale Brewer yelled to his colleagues. "I think the TSA just thwarted its first terrorist attack ever! Good work, guys! Let's keep this line as long as possible. I think it's working great as a deterrent."
Agents watched as the terrorist left the airport and could be seen celebrating their victory. "All our hard work paid off! Look at them taking off, all due to our expert security and attention to every detail. Now, let's go tell that two-year-old he needs to hand over his bottle for enhanced screening."
At publishing time, the lengthy TSA lines had also reportedly deterred people who listen to music without headphones on airplanes, an accomplishment the Trump administration is touting as "a major victory."
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
