JERICHO — The victim of a local violent assault and robbery saw his predicament go from bad to worse today, as an introverted Samaritan reportedly crossed over to the other side of the road to avoid having to make small talk with a man who had been beaten and left for dead.
Authorities said the incident occurred on the road from Jerusalem to Jericho, as a traveler was attacked by a band of thieves, stripped of his belongings, and left critically injured by the roadside. Witnesses said a Samaritan later arrived on the scene but kept his distance from the wounded man to prevent any awkward social interaction.
"What can I say? I'm a bit of an introvert," said the Samaritan.
"He was far more concerned with not having to make conversation," one witness said. "He heard the guy over there moaning by the road, and he walked over to the other side to make sure he didn't run the risk of making eye contact or having to say anything. He looked pretty relieved when he made it past the injured man without having to make small talk."
When reached for comment hours later, the Samaritan confirmed that avoiding interaction was his primary concern. "It was touch and go there for a while," he said. "I thought I might have to say something to him, which I just really wasn't feeling. It would've been awkward. Fortunately, I was able to cross the road and keep walking on the other side. He seemed like he was in pretty rough shape, but can you imagine having to, like, have a conversation? That's the worst. I hope that guy is alright. I'm just glad I didn't have to talk to him."
At publishing time, the introverted Samaritan had reportedly paid an innkeeper extra money in advance to make sure he didn't let any other travelers check into the rooms next to him.
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