SANTA MONICA, CA — Two local showrunners have been tasked with adapting a beloved work of fiction into a billion-dollar show. According to sources, the pair isn't very confident in their ability to create a worthy piece of entertainment, so they've hired a few people of color in prominent roles.
"That way, if people hate the show, we'll be able to blame it on racism!" said the first showrunner to his comrade. "If the show sucks, we'll still be woke heroes! It's a foolproof plan!"
The pair then high-fived but missed because they were very white.
"The primary purpose of art and entertainment is to amplify the marginalized voices of BIPOCS. If a show does that, and you still hate it, you're a racist," said the second showrunner to the press. "The secondary purpose is to communicate banal, virtueless political messages about feminism and globalism. If a show does that, and you still hate it, you're a bad person. Checkmate, critics!"
The gathered media stood and cheered wildly in response.
Production insiders confirmed the showrunners then hired the minimum required number of black actors and issued them talking points to make sure they sprinkled every single promotional interview with race and gender politics. "This will allow us to use people of color as culture war cannon-fodder to protect our jobs and preemptively insult any fan who questions what we're doing with this story," said a representative from the marketing team.
At publishing time, the show was a huge hit with critics, who are reportedly afraid of being called "racist."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
