WASHINGTON, D.C. - Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the world's smartest socialist, has been sticking up for the Palestinian people against attacks from Israel, and now, to show solidarity with Palestinian freedom fighters Hamas, Ocasio-Cortez is adopting their tactic of using children to protect herself from reprisal and has strapped a few Palestinian children to her body.
"Now try and yell 'Dummy!' at me," Ocasio-Cortez called to the press. "It will look like you're yelling at these kids. You'd be a really awful person to call a kid a dummy - as awful as Israel."
The tactic was quickly proven to work, because soon Ocasio-Cortez was accosted by Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, who started yelling, "Crazy eyes!" at Ocasio-Cortez. Greene stopped and walked off, though, when the children strapped to Ocasio-Cortez started crying.
"I've really learned a lot about the plight of Palestinians having these kids strapped to me," Ocasio-Cortez later said. "People just don't care about them and say the meanest things to them. They call them idiots. They say they're bad at math and don't understand the economy. They say they cost Queens tens of thousands of jobs by chasing away Amazon. It's terrible. The only problem is that they cry a lot and keep saying they're hungry. Someone needs to do something about that. Not me, though; I'm just an ideas person."