WASHINGTON, D.C. — The political world was upended Tuesday following President Biden's SOTU speech when it was revealed Republicans and Democrats were surprisingly divided on his performance. Republicans claim that Biden's speech was reprehensible and "the worst thing to come out of our nation since parachute pants," while Democrats believe it to be the best speech given by any president — maybe ever.
Speaker Kevin McCarthy admits the speech has caused him to rethink his life. "I wish I hadn't fought so hard to become speaker of the house," he admitted. "I can't believe I had to sit behind him for over an hour with a straight face. I wanted to claw my eyes out!"
VP Kamala Harris, who also sat behind Biden during the speech, shared a surprisingly different opinion. "I think it was the best speech of any president I've ever heard. He opened his mouth and words came out. Sometimes he talked loud and sometimes he talked less loud. He made me want to be President."
Congressional newcomer George Santos said he was just happy to be there with everybody.
According to a survey of TV viewers, the nation is as equally divided as the congresspeople that represent them. The key difference, in this case, is that Republican and Democrat voters are concerned with the quality of meme material to come out of the event.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
