In Name Of Social Justice, Nation's Fathers Loot New Balance Stores
Family

U.S.—The nation's white fathers recently learned about the rampant issues of racial injustice facing people of color in this nation. When they heard that people were going to get free sneakers to help justice or whatever, the fathers immediately jumped on board to score their own pairs of sneakers.

But instead of the Nike Store, most of the white dads ran over to Walmart to pick up a pair of sweet New Balances.

"I care about justice!" shouted local father Brent Paulson as he grabbed a sick pair of New Balance Men's 608 V6 Casual Comfort Cross Trainers. "I hereby take these sweet sneaks in the name of Jim Floyd, or whatever that guy's name was!"

On the way out of the store, Paulson snagged some batteries. "Can never have too many batteries!"

"If this is what protesting for justice looks like, count me in!" he shouted. "Justice! Justice! Justice!"

At publishing time, all fathers had joined Black Lives Matter after learning they could score a new lawnmower at Home Depot.

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