SCOTLAND - In a controversial tweet, author J.K. Rowling has confirmed that beloved character Harry Potter was actually a five-point Calvinist.
While Rowling hoped the additional information about the Wizarding World would delight fans, they were conflicted. The move has upset five-point Calvinists, who say Rowling should have explicitly said so in the books instead of tweeting about it years after the fact, while it's also upset Arminians who don't want their beloved characters affirming lifestyles and theologies they don't agree with.
"If Harry Potter was a Calvinist, why didn't he get in more theological debates? Why didn't he wear flannel, grow out a beard, and pound craft pumpkin ales all day?" asked one critic in a reply to Rowling's tweet. "You're not really a Calvinism ally if you just tweet things instead of make it explicit."
"Write 👏 it 👏 into 👏 the 👏 books 👏 or 👏 movies 👏" tweeted another disappointed fan.
Several denominations, including the Wesleyans, some Baptist sects, and the non-denominational Calvary Chapel denomination, have called for further bans on Harry Potter in light of Rowling's revelations.