In Brutal Attack On One Of The Most Privileged People In History, Rioter Punches Self In Face

PORTLAND, OR—An Antifa rioter was screaming about privilege this morning, when suddenly, he couldn't believe his luck: he just so happened to be standing in the proximity of one of the most privileged people in all of human history.

Not wanting to miss his opportunity to take down one of the richest, most blessed people who ever lived, the man wound up his powerful right hook and punched himself in the face.

"Die, you incredibly privileged man who enjoys more freedom, luxuries, comforts, and wealth than 99% of humans who have ever lived!" he screamed as he punched himself repeatedly. He then got out a Molotov cocktail and lit himself on fire before getting a brick and throwing it at his own face. "Down with privilege! Down with privilege!"

Finally, he spray-painted Marxist logos all over himself, tied himself up with a rope, and pulled himself to the ground, finally having toppled one of the luckiest humans to ever walk the planet.

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