WASHINGTON, D.C. — After being removed from the Foreign Affairs Committee over anti-semitic remarks, Representative Ilhan Omar laid the blame on a secret cabal of Jews working against her.
"They say I'm being removed for antisemitism, which is the exact sort of excuse you'd expect from a power-hungry Jewish cabal," cried Ms. Omar. "This is all the Jews' fault."
Democrats screamed in fury at the announcement of Ms. Omar's removal, enraged that Republicans refused to give open hatred of the Jewish people a pass. "If she were white, that would be one thing - but she's a Muslim woman of color! They're allowed to hate the Jews!" shouted Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, weeping. "This is like January 6 all over again!"
Republicans pointed out that Marjorie Taylor-Greene had been similarly kicked off committees for anti-semitic remarks, but Democrats reminded them that Ms. Greene is very white. As a token of compromise, McCarthy offered to allow Ms. Omar to remain on the Foreign Affairs Committee if she would say out loud one nice thing about the Jewish people. Ms. Omar declined, saying the offer sounded like a "Jewish trick".
At publishing time, Ms. Omar had reportedly invited Ye to come watch Schindler's List with her for a little pick-me-up.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
