SAN ANTONIO, TX - Everyone has noticed that Neil Rodgers is appallingly ignorant of the world around him. This is most emphasized in the way he never reacts to current events with complete panic or despair as if he just doesn't understand how horrible things are.

"It's sad," said John Reynolds, a coworker. "It's like he doesn't understand how terrible the world is. Doesn't he see the news? Doesn't he read Twitter and see how vile everyone is?"

Many credit Rodgers's ignorance to his Christian faith, the irrational belief that he is loved, that there is a happy ending to everything, and that the world is not just a random mess of awfulness.

"He really believes this stuff," says Marvin Hanson, his neighbor. "It's like because of his crazy beliefs, he won't accept the scientific consensus that we're all going to die because of global warming or something and that it's good we're all going to die because people are terrible."

Some of the people around Rodgers are planning an intervention to break through his religious faith and get him to understand the facts about the world. Their hope is that eventually he'll react to terrible breaking news not with an unsubstantiated belief that he and his family will be all right but with the more educated reaction of wishing a meteor would come and end everything.