U.S. - Beto O'Rourke promised to take away everybody's guns when he is president, though sources have confirmed that O'Rourke will never even get close to being the president.

"When I am president, I will take away your guns," said the man who is as close to the White House as he's ever going to be. "The first day I'm in the Oval Office, I will sign an executive order to buy back everybody's firearms. As I lean back in that Oval Office chair and put my feet up on my desk, I will rest easy knowing that I have done something to make our country a safe place from all violence."

"Man, I can't wait to see how that presidential pen feels signing an unconstitutional executive order," he added wistfully, though he will never know how that feels.

At publishing times, O'Rourke's pro-gun control comments had caused his number of supporters to get cut in half, leaving him with just one.