WASHINGTON, D.C.—After President Trump touted himself as the "King of Israel" and the "second coming of God," he was feeling pretty good about himself, now pretty much being confirmed as the rightful president of both America and Israel.
Wanting to get more information about his new title, Trump googled "King of the Jews" and was horrified by what he found: multiple Bible passages describing Christ's crucifixion in detail and many classical paintings of Christ's brutal death.
"Complete and total disaster," he muttered to himself as he read about Jesus's crucifixion for claiming to be God and the rightful ruler of the Jews. "Wonder how I'm gonna get out of this one." Trump then performed Google searches on "How not to be King of the Jews anymore" and "How did Epstein fake his own death" but came up empty.
Thinking quickly, Trump quickly tweeted out, "But honestly, the Squad is much more suited to be King of the Jews. I humbly pass the honor onto these four brave ladies."
"Problem solved," he said, breathing a sigh of relief.