Hillary Clinton: 'The Only Crime I Ever Committed Was Stealing The Hearts Of The American People'
Politics · Nov 12, 2018 · BabylonBee.com

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an interview over the weekend, Hillary Clinton continued to deny any wrongdoing in the various controversies she was involved with during her time as Secretary of State and the 2016 Democratic candidate, claiming her only crime was "stealing the hearts of the American people."

The interviewer asked Clinton if she was guilty of any of the myriad accusations against her when she admitted to being "100% guilty" of being America's sweetheart.

"If being an extremely likable person beloved by every true American is a crime, then lock me up!" she said, laughing. "I'm guilty on all counts! Put me away for years! Throw me in the dungeon and toss the key in the garbage!"

She also confessed to lesser crimes of being "a woman of the people" and "extremely relatable."

"I can't help it if I'm just really good at connecting with the common man, who may only own two or three modest homes and wear suits worth less than $1,000," she said. "I'm just that really down-to-earth kind of person, and you can't blame me for that. It's just who I am, fam!"

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now