WASHINGTON, D.C. - Hillary Clinton has announced that after much debate she will seek reelection as president of the United States.
Pundits on MSNBC, CNN, and ABC News have long pondered whether Clinton would seek reelection or allow someone else to step in, and now she's made a definitive declaration.
"After much deliberation, consultation, and prayer to Moloch, I have decided that I will seek a second term," she said to a crowd gathered at a local Wendy's restaurant. "I feel I haven't accomplished everything I wanted to in my first term, and I really need a full eight years to implement my final solution to all of America's problems."
"Orange man bad! Orange man bad!" she chanted at one heckler, though the heckler turned out to be a Wendy's worker asking if she wanted the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger 4 for $4 or the chicken sandwich one.
Aides then gently ushered her back onto the bus to take her back to Bright Sunrise Home For Seniors.