BURLINGTON, VT — In a heroic move that sacrificed his own resources, Senator Bernie Sanders announced that he had bought yet another house to make sure the rich people don't get all of them.
The selfless act reportedly set the Vermont senator back a bit financially, but his new beachfront home in the Hamptons area of Long Island, New York, would now be prevented from being sold to any wealthy oligarchs from the private sector.
"I am willing to take this hit for our cause," Sanders told reporters. "It's not easy to be a man in my position and take on yet another luxurious home in such an exclusive location, but I am going to do it for the greater good. We cannot let the ultra-wealthy continue to rule over us. I vow to purchase as many homes as necessary to keep rich people from getting them."
The senator's supporters applauded his altruism. "Not a selfish or hypocritical bone in Bernie's body," said Sanders donor Shane Lewis. "Even though the fight against the elite ruling class seems overwhelming, it's nice to know we have a guy like him out there doing the hard work and buying up multiple homes to keep them out of the oligarchy's real estate portfolio. Bernie is a true hero."
At publishing time, Sanders had sent out a fundraising plea to his mailing list asking them to donate as much as they could so he could furnish his new home with high-end decor before the evil billionaires bought all the furniture.
Brynnleigh is on a mission to stop America from becoming… well, America.
