What You Should Know About The New Pope

Brought to you by: ProLife Across America

With the election of Pope Leo XIV, millions of people — including some Catholics — were left looking for information about him to provide insight into how he might lead the Church.

The Babylon Bee is here to help with the following list of interesting facts about the new Pope:

His previous job was at Whole Foods: A rags-to-riches story for the former deli counter clerk.
He may or may not be Catholic: TBD.
He hasn't appeared in a single Home Alone movie: And yet he somehow calls himself an important leader.
He doesn't have a wife or kids: Red flag?
He is far less crusade-y than some other popes: Don't expect any calls to retake the Holy Land.
He once beat Ocarina of Time with 3 hearts and no continues: Rumor has it this was what clinched the papacy for him.
He describes himself as "spiritual, but not religious": Whatever that means.
He chose his Pope name as a tribute to his favorite Ninja Turtle: Get out of here with your Raphaels and Donatellos.
He misses Sunday mass during Bears season: It's all about priorities.
He is not your mediator between man and God: Thankfully, that's someone else's job.

After reading the list above, you should have all of the most important information necessary to know who Pope Leo XIV is and what makes him tick. What else have you heard about the new pontiff? Sound off in the comments below.

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