Have you or a loved one had a baby recently? We hate to say this, but you may have just brought a white supremacist into the world.
Don't worry though-- we're here to help! It's important to always look for clues of racist tendencies in your newborn so you can nip that in the bud! Here are the troubling 7 signs:
- He's white, which automatically makes him racist: If your newborn is white, then sorry-- it's game over. Your baby will be irredeemably racist forever. Sad!
- Completely illiterate, just like most Nazis: What? Your newborn can't read? Then he's probably been radicalized by alt-right personalities on YouTube.
- No hair, which is a common Neo-Nazi hairstyle: Is your baby a skinhead? Having no hair is a colossal red flag. If your newborn is bald, make him wear a wig until his hair grows in.
- Enjoys bedtime stories written by notorious racist Dr. Seuss: Books by Dr. Seuss are a gateway drug to literally burning crosses in people's front yards. Teach your child to burn those books instead.
- Shows his white fragility by crying all the time: Crying is a sure sign of defensiveness and fear of honest conversations around race. Not good!
- Refuses to say "black lives matter": Seriously-- what's so hard about saying "black lives matter"? If instead, he says things like "goo goo ga ga", this is even more troubling. The phrase "goo goo ga ga" has 10 letters in it. Do you know what else has 10 letters? "Heil Hitler."
- Shows colorblindness by playing with other kids regardless of race: Colorblindness IS racist! Minorities need their own separate spaces without white invaders. Decolonize your playtime, Mom and Dad!
If your newborn shows any of these troubling signs, turn them into the nearest reeducation facility immediately! Or put them up for adoption. Probably not worth it.