U.S.A — The FDA released updated health advice this week, including guidance regarding what kind of potato chips are the healthiest; they advise always choosing the bag with the photo of the farm or a little kid picking veggies in a field in the matte-colored bag over choosing the shiny bag with no campy imagery on it.
"The science checks out," FDA spokesperson Katelyn Myers told the press. "If you eat potato chips out of a bag that's super glossy from a brand your dad has probably heard of, those chips are super bad for you. Always choose chips in matte bags with photos of farms and kitschy natural stuff printed on the bag. Bonus if the word ‘kettle' or ‘baked' appears on the bag somewhere."
The FDA said this rule can apply to a host of other foods as well.
"Don't buy oatmeal that's in a box with a photo of a George-Washington-looking sort of old-timey guy. Only buy oatmeal from brands you've never heard of that comes in boxes with artsy little drawings of wheat and has the word ‘natural' on it at least five times. That's how you know you're in Healthy Town!"
At publishing time, hundreds of otherwise unhealthy brands had changed their packaging to make their chips healthy.
An elite force from DOGE uncovers the most absurd waste of taxpayer dollars.
