BOISE, ID — The First United Methodist Church of Boise has threatened the congregation with an hour-long Christmas concert.

"Nothing is set in stone, but we're looking at December 18th," said handbell choir director Lucy Adams to a horrified crowd. "We have a twenty minute medley in the works that I think will really bless you all."

A hush reportedly fell over the congregation as each member began digesting the news. "Poor Pastor Tom, he went white as a ghost," said longtime front-pew resident Mary Hall. "He did his best to recover and preach, but you could hear his voice shaking. There's just no getting out of being at that concert for the head Pastor."

With no news about the handbell choir's plans since the infamous Easter performance of Hillsong's "Scandal of Grace", the announcement caught the church completely off guard. "I didn't even know they were still practicing! Apparently, they have been here every week," said Associate Pastor Dan Summers. "Maybe they have stayed incognito by doing that weird thing where they leave the bells down and whack them with mallets to make that 'clunk' sound. I'm just in shock."

At publishing time, the concert had been cancelled after the one male handbell player threw out his back lifting the massive "C2" bell.

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