BETHLEHEM — Archaeologists have discovered the unmistakable remains from humongous "Minion" inflatables that Mary and Joseph used to decorate the front of the stable.
"After a thorough analysis, our team can confidently report that Joseph sprung for the twelve-foot-tall Minion inflatables 'Dave' and 'Stuart'," declared lead archaeologist Dr. Bradley Atkins. "Given their remarkable height, we believe the two Minions likely dominated the landscape of ancient Bethlehem."
Excitement built around the dig as the finding of yellow plastic gave way to the discovery of a fan and LED lighting. "For centuries, churches have tried to recreate the nativity scene in all its detail," said Dr. Atkins. "At long last, we now know that out in front of all live nativities ought to be that most perfect of Christmas decorations, selected by the Holy Family itself: a monstrous inflatable Minion."
In response to the discovery, Christians across the world have rushed to add inflatable Minions to their own front yards. "Now, it's really Christmas," said famed Pastor Tim Keller, as he plugged in a Minion outside of Redeemer Presbyterian Church. "Alongside the donkeys, the cows, and the manger - there was also Dave and Stuart. It's finally complete!"
At publishing time, Joel Osteen had announced a capital project to help build a 500-foot-tall Minion to sit on top of his church's roof.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
