GAZA — As the United States pledged to continue providing humanitarian aid and basic necessities to Palestinians amid the ongoing conflict with Israel, Hamas scientists are struggling to figure out how to make emergency food rations explode.
With all attempts thus far to weaponize the food rations for use in rockets and suicide bomber vests unsuccessful, Hamas leaders urged its brightest and most creative members to redouble their efforts to make the rations highly explosive.
"How are we supposed to kill Jews with this?" said one Hamas fighter. "Inshallah, we will keep working until we figure out how to turn this shelf-stable chili and macaroni into a deadly weapon! The United States keeps saying they are sending us help, but what are we supposed to do with things that don't blow up?"
Hamas urged all Palestinian people to refrain from eating any of the desperately needed food supplies as the terrorists continue to experiment with new ways to turn the rations into weapons of mass destruction. "We can't afford to waste these rations by having people eat them," a Hamas spokesterrorist said. "We need as many rations as possible to use for weapons tests, so please, no one is allowed to eat them."
While there were multiple reports of Palestinians having to "blow up the bathroom" following a meal of rations, the goal of creating military-grade explosives remained unattained.
At publishing time, the Biden administration pledged to send another shipment of food rations to Gaza to keep Palestinians from starving due to trying to turn their previous food rations into deadly explosives.
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