NOVI, MI — Local man Greg Hartford just made history by becoming the first person in the world to purchase WinRAR. Previously, no one had bothered to buy a license since the software's free trial can be used perpetually, essentially making it free.
"Wait, it's free?" Hartford said when asked for a comment. "But it said I had to buy a license."
WinRAR, a file archiver and data compression utility, launched in 1995 with zero sales. It is currently sold by win.rar GmbH, a company which had to date earned no money off the software. Sources were unable to confirm how the company is still in business in light of its profit margin of zero.
Eugene Roshal, who developed the software with his late brother Alexander, was astonished by the news. "We finally did it, Alexander," he said as he gazed at the heavens. "We sold a WinRAR license."
For his historical endeavor, Greg Hartford was given the title of Ehrenbürger, making him an honorary citizen of Berlin where the company is based. The mayor of Novi also bestowed upon Hartford the key to the city for putting the town of Novi on the map for the first time ever.
At publishing time, Greg Hartford retired from public life and bought a copy of WinZIP because he didn't realize WinRAR also opens ZIP files.
We're prophets here at The Babylon Bee. So for your benefit, we put together these 100% accurate predictions for 2025.
