U.S.
Governor Gavin Newsom Sues Gorilla Glue For Not Being Strong Enough To Keep His Hair Perfectly In Place

LOS ANGELES, CA—Governor Gavin Newsom of California has announced he will be suing The Gorilla Glue Company for not being quite strong enough to keep his hair perfectly in place.

"I've been using Gorilla Glue in my hair for weeks now," said Newsom, "and it did not work as advertised. This has resulted in significant suffering, and damage to my ego." 

According to sources, Gavin Newsom was recently giving an outdoor press conference when the wind shifted and slightly moved a few hairs on his head.

"This is unacceptable," said the California governor. "Gorilla Glue advertises itself as designed for 'The Toughest Jobs on Planet Earth.' Apparently, it wasn't tough enough to keep my hair in place during this press conference! I will be suing this company for damages."

Gorilla Glue declined requests for comment. 

Sources close to the governor say Newsom will be switching back to his preferred hair product made from homeless person tears and sea turtle eggs.

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