U.S. — Thousands upon thousands of fans have come together in celebration that their beloved franchise is finally being adapted into a live-action series. Unfortunately, they all forgot it's the year 2022, and they don't make them how they used to.
"Normally, I'd be overjoyed to hear that Rings Of Power was being made into a series, but then I realized it's going to be nothing like Peter Jackson's LotR trilogy from 2 decades ago," said diehard Tolkein fan Wesley Brummette. "Instead, it's going to be created by a woke, soulless corporate boardroom that only cares about their profits."
"An Obi-Wan Kenobi tv show?! Really, that's amazing!" said Star Wars fan Lucas Jones before remembering what year it was. "Ugh, never mind I forgot everything is owned by Disney. On second thought, I think I'll pass and just watch the original trilogy again."
Across the country, several other lifelong fans experienced the same thing as mega-corporation after mega-corporation snatched up the rights to their favorite books, comics, and old movie franchises. "I mean sure — the budget will be a bajillion dollars and the cast will include every famous actor ever, but they're either fundamentally missing the essence of the series, or they are forcing an agenda, or both," sighed Wesley Brummette.
At publishing time, fans who were tired of being labeled a "toxic fanbase" finally gave in and decided to buy tickets to Asian Spiderman Vs. Godzilla: Return To Home Alone Avatar Reloaded 6: It's Morbin' Time.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
