WORLD — In a welcome change for millions of modern Christians, the former cardinal sin of gluttony has been demoted to only "kind of a sin."
"It's about time," said local Christian John Ashcroft, as he crammed an entire pizza into his pie-hole. "I don't need that guilt when I still have some room in my esophagus for a few hot wings."
Theologians say that gluttony's demotion was long overdue. "Gluttony had a good run as a cardinal sin, but it's just not that big of a deal anymore," said Asbury Theology professor Dr. Samuel Benjamin. "Its level of sinfulness has been on the decline for decades now. It was high time we made the demotion official."
According to sources, people committing gluttony may now roll that into any general confession of sin and never talk directly about it. "Christians can just sweep it under the rug and focus on real sins," explained Dr. Benjamin. "An occasional feeling of guilt may be in order, but not real repentance or anything. It's been a confusing topic for years, so hopefully this change clears things up."
At publishing time, sources had reported that the sin of sloth may also soon receive a demotion.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
