HADES - Ever since hearing the news of President Biden creating a 'Disinformation Governance Board', George Orwell has been really kicking himself for not thinking of it first.
"He nailed it, absolutely nailed it," said a dejected Mr. Orwell. "It sounds grimly clinical and impersonal, yet threatening. It really is a much better title than 'Ministry of Truth'. I don't know how, but this Biden guy managed to become more Orwellian than, well, me - George Orwell."
Mr. Orwell also expressed incredulity at the discovery of Nina Jankowicz to lead the Board. "I could have spent a thousand lifetimes and never come up with such a perfect character," said Mr. Orwell. "It's a top-shelf villain name. Then you have the woman deliver vicious pronouncements of what may or may not be spoken by her cheerfully singing to the tune of a children's song - a song famously sung by an omnipotent nanny while the parents are gone? Very twisted. How do they come up with these ideas?"
While feeling that Biden's ideas had been partially plagiarized from his work, Mr. Orwell did give him credit for the very original idea of destroying gender and sexual identity. "Of course, The Party wants to be stronger than family ties, but the best I could come up with was a direct attack on the act of sex itself. These liberals have done me one better, and instead attacked the very reality of humans having a sexual nature as male and female...I just never even conceived of such an audacious attempt to bully people into something so incomprehensible. Well played, Leftists. Well played."
At publishing time, Mr. Orwell was dumbfounded to learn that U.N. soldiers dispatched to war are called "peacekeepers", freedom to speak is considered "racism", and remaining silent instead of voicing agreement with Party beliefs is called "violence".
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
