HENDERSON, NV—Outspoken LGBT activist and Olive Garden server Arnold Vernon suddenly came to a saving faith in Jesus Christ late Thursday evening. The miraculous event reportedly occurred as a result of an unidentified patron leaving a hand-written note on his receipt depicting a Christian fish symbol and the Bible reference “JOHN 3:16” in lieu of a tip for Vernon’s excellent service.
“I once was blind, but now I see,” Vernon told reporters after the incident. “I was an enemy of God, but it is His kindness that leads us to repentance. And I never saw more kindness and love than the gentleman earlier this evening showed me by dining on $167 worth of food with his family, taking up one of my tables for over two hours, and leaving me a hastily scribbled note rather than financial compensation for my work.”
Vernon reportedly intends to break up with his boyfriend and begin attending Bible college immediately, where he plans to study the lofty discipline of bumper sticker evangelism.
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