HYRULE CASTLE - Politician and sword control activist Ganondorf once again made a plea to the people of Hyrule today, calling for common-sense Master Sword control.

"If any kid can just waltz into the Temple of Time and get the Master Sword with just three paltry gems -- we have a huge problem in this country," he said, holding back tears. "It is harder to register to vote in Hyrule than it is to get the Master Sword. Mostly, that's because we're a monarchy. But still, the point stands."

"We must get these dangerous assault swords off the streets if our kids are going to be safe once again."

Ganondorf then showed footage of the damage just one assault sword can do. A boy wielding the Master Sword was seen attacking chickens, breaking pottery and stealing the gems within, and cutting down many small shrubberies.

There wasn't a dry eye in the place as the lights came back up.

"Enough is enough," Ganondorf said. "We must end this plague of Master Sword attacks once and for all."