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Politics U.S.
Frustrated Ocasio-Cortez Informs Calculator She's In Charge Now

WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a recent media appearance, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez came prepared to defend her Green New Deal and far-left economic policies. 

She even stopped at CVS on the way and picked up a calculator so she could prove definitively that her policies add up.

However, her point appeared to be derailed partway through her opening statement as the calculator showed that her policies make no mathematic sense. Luckily, Ocasio-Cortez had a backup strategy: to inform the calculator that she is in charge and that it is just "shouting from the cheap seats."

"Look, what you need to understand here is that I'm in charge," she said after the calculator refused to correctly crunch the numbers to provide funding for her hundred-trillion-dollar policies. "I'm the boss. You're just the laws of mathematics. So until you can propose something better, you're in the cheap seats."

As the crowd awkwardly looked on, Ocasio-Cortez tried rebooting the calculator, accusing it of racism, and convincing it to "do the right thing and save the planet" in an Instagram video where she built a Lego gulag. But nothing worked. So Ocasio-Cortez imprisoned the calculator in her Lego gulag until it changes its tune.

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