WASHINGTON, D.C.—As President Trump wrapped up an impromptu press briefing at the White House Thursday, evangelical Trump supporter Franklin Graham reportedly pushed his way through the crowd and launched himself toward Trump, attempting to touch the mere hem of his garment in order to acquire some of the president's spiritual power.
"If only I touch his suit jacket, I will receive his God-given anointing," he whispered to himself, according to sources.
After Graham's fingers brushed the edge of Trump's suit jacket, the president stopped and looked around slowly. "Who touched me?" he asked quietly. But his aides and staff all denied it. "Mr. President, there is a crowd all around you," a Secret Service agent said.
"I know someone touched me, for I felt power go out from me," Trump replied. Then Graham, realizing he would be noticed, fell to the ground trembling. In the presence of all the press and White House staffers, Graham explained how he desired the same anointing Trump has to implement the Kingdom of God on earth.
Trump smiled gently. "My son, your faith has healed you of any leftist tendencies. Go in peace, and own the libs, child."
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.