U.S.—For the common good of Americans, the next presidential debate will be held aboard a rocket. That rocket will then take off. Then, it will smash into the sun after the two passengers debate for the few months it takes to get there.
Their debate will be broadcast live. It is expected to draw millions of viewers, who will be comforted by the idea that the two candidates will smash into the sun.
"It's for the good of the nation," said one election official. "This will be the most exciting debate yet. Every time these two old men yell at each other or debate the moderator, you can take comfort in the fact that in just a few short months, their faces will melt off as they collide with the surface of the sun, which is approximately 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit."
"Ah, sweet bliss!"
Also, while the Libertarian Party is typically excluded from the debates, they were invited to send their candidate this time around, increasing Americans' optimism for the future even further.