WASHINGTON, D.C. — After acknowledging reports from the FBI and the Department of Energy confirming COVID-19 originated from a lab in Wuhan, China, President Biden issued harsh condemnation for President Biden's racist and xenophobic accusations based on outrageously slanderous facts and data.
"We need to lead the way with science — not Joe Biden's record of hysteria, xenophobia, and fear-mongering," Biden stated, "The Chinese people are a wonderful group of folks, and I know from my time working the noodle fields as a whipper-snapper and fighting off the notorious gangster, Rice Pop."
Biden called for Biden to stop hiding the truth of the Wuhan lab leak from the American people, and stated the only way to put an end to the racist Biden regime was to elect Biden "President of Whatsabamurca." He then announced plans to run for President and bring unity to a country more divided than ever, due to the xenophobic and racist actions of the Biden Administration.
The President ended his condemnation of the President with a spirited call for unity, values, equity, botany, the very hungry caterpillar, and something about riding lawnmowers.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
