PASADENA, CA — The heated Division III rivalry between the East Pasadena Community College Golden Cuttlefish and the Technical College of Southeastern Bakersfield Fightin' Avocados has grown to epic proportions as the final minute of the basketball game heads into day three.
The score has been tied for two days.
"If we play with all our hearts, use our 17 remaining timeouts judiciously, continue substituting players every two seconds, and draw several fouls per second, we're gonna win this thing," said Cuttlefish head coach Robbie Stroon to a third-string reporter getting airtime due to the previous two reporters fainting from exhaustion.
Avocados coach Robbie Mallard showed equal confidence that their team would win, despite having just 10 timeouts remaining with two starting players hospitalized for fatigue. Coach Mallard did admit his team lucked out with much-needed rest time during the 137 fourth-quarter commercial breaks.
Fans on both sides came prepared for the extended final minute of the game, having packed in extra food, portable showers, and a raging blood oath to destroy the other team no matter the cost. When presented with the suggestion that maybe basketball games should end just a few hours after they begin, fans bristled with offense and stormed into their makeshift yurts.
At publishing time, the game had gone into octuple overtime.
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