Church
New Two-String, Five-Fret Design Introduced For Church Bassists

SCOTTSDALE, AZ—By popular demand, guitar company Pearlman has introduced a new two-string, five-fret design specifically targeting church bassists.

The bass just has the E and A strings and the first five frets: all you need to play every worship song ever written. It also has decorative knobs, so you can pretend to adjust settings and turn up your volume, even though the church bass is turned off in the house anyway.

"We noticed that most bass guitars at church wastefully included a G and D string as well as a whole bunch of frets higher up the fretboard," Frank Leming, head of church bass research at Pearlman said. "It was a massive waste of resources. This allows us to keep the cost down so the church's $50 budget won't be blown on a bass."

Leming also said the design is much more nimble, shaving almost half the weight off the size of a traditional bass.

Pearlman actually began testing these designs in churches across the country over the past few months, but no one noticed.

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