U.S —As the nation plunges headlong into another fall season, the FDA has officially recommended pouring all pumpkin spice flavored beverages down the nearest drain immediately.
Stressing that they are “all just completely abhorrent and disgusting,” a spokesman for the agency confirmed Wednesday that the only safe and honorable course of action when confronted with a pumpkin spice latte, coffee, or beer this autumn is to quickly and without hesitation open the beverage and dump every drop of it down a nearby drain or toilet.
The FDA further advised caution when dumping the drinks, warning against accidentally spilling or splashing the repulsive liquids onto one’s skin or clothing, and recommended wearing a nose plug during the act to guard against inhaling any noxious fumes.
“Never take a chance with a beverage that tastes like melted-down potpourri your grandmother purchased in an antique shop. If you come across a pumpkin spice beverage, detain it and dump it at once.”
“Together we can rid our great nation of this abomination,” the spokesman added.