U.S. — Local man Gregory Foster is reportedly under investigation by the FBI because he didn't click on the "Black Voices" section of Amazon Prime's video streaming service.
"It is not FBI policy to comment on an ongoing investigation, but he's definitely racist," said FBI Director Christopher Wray. "Now we just have to tie him to a crime. Shouldn't be too hard."
Thanks to an agreement with multiple streaming services, the FBI is immediately notified of red flags in a user's watch history, such as only watching Westerns or binge-watching Friends.
Foster maintains his innocence, even describing himself as having a Black friend.
"I just wanted to watch Predator," he said. "That has Black people in it. Isn't that okay?"
Conservatives have called for a boycott against Amazon for sharing private user information, but Amazon maintains they are on the right side of video streaming history. In a company statement, Amazon defended its cooperation with authorities by calling critics racist.
"You know who hates Black people? People who don't click on the 'Amplify Black Voices' section of our streaming service," said Amazon employee turned FBI informant Dany Piscopo. "Our new technology helps authorities monitor these dangerous people before they commit a serious crime, such as voting for Trump."
At publishing time, the FBI took a look at Foster's Disney+ watch history and were mortified to discover he had never watched The Princess and the Frog. "If that's not clear evidence of a hate crime I don't know what is," said FBI informant Bob Iger.
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