U.S. — After a national manhunt spanning all 50 states and several years, the DOJ has announced the arrest of its #1 most wanted criminal, Pepe the Frog.
"Pepe has been an existential threat to democracy for a long time," said Attorney General Merrick Garland. "He has become the figurehead for people who share inappropriate meme content and unapproved opinions on the internet. The world is a safer place with this criminal behind bars."
"I shudder to think what kind of memes would have been shared if we hadn't caught him when we did."
Among several other charges, the frog is being held on 7,439,600,213,000 counts of criminal menace, 436,007,924,332,141,572,499,022 hate crime charges, and 563,745,743,153,001,377 counts of stochastic terrorism. "I'll sleep easier knowing that I'll never have to see another Pepe meme in the replies to my videos where I announce I'm indicting Trump again," said Garland. "His face haunts my dreams."
"Humor and fun have long been tools of fascism," said Salon journalist Rezz Thivins. "Pepe will finally face justice for his treasonous memes. It's about time."
Authorities are warning of copycats on the internet, and are calling people to report any Pepe-related content they see online.
At publishing time, authorities had sadly reported Pepe killed himself in his cell while the security cameras were turned off.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
