DENVER, CO — A local dad spent the afternoon explaining to his eldest son about the glory days when streaming services weren't just a wasteland of cliched, over-hyped nonsense content.
"Ah, yes," dad Gary Christensen told his boy. "You know that show Stranger Things? The first season was incredible. Everyone watched it. The second season was ok. The rest have been…meh. But man, oh man, Netflix used to crank out some winners. I know I know, it sounds crazy, but back in my day, streaming services used to put out some incredible original content."
Christensen's son reportedly gaped in disbelief as his father told them of a time when subscribing to Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, and other streaming services meant waiting eagerly for the next fantastic episode of a new series to drop. Now everything is a desert of mediocrity.
"I mean, people say they like Ted Lasso but it's just sort of…ok. People say they like Only Murders In The Building but it's SOOOO boring. And then, oh children, then Disney+ released Willow and Obi-Wan and life has been hard ever since. It's a virtual content wasteland out there."
Christensen told his children he's holding out hope for Season 2 of The Terminal List but he's been burned so many times he dares not dream. After Rings Of Power, he explains, all hope of a good, meaty, well-written, well-cast, non-woke, sensibly-paced streaming show has left his heart.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
