FORT WAYNE, IN - According to sources, local dad Greg Farson taught his children a valuable lesson about taxation today after his kids woke up the day after Halloween to find all their Reeses cups and Snickers bars had been taken.
"Listen Willow," said Farson to his sobbing daughter. "I know I already took a bunch of your candy last night, but too many kids are trying to escape paying their fair share because no one is taxing their unrealized gains. I went ahead and taxed you for the candy you will collect next year as well!"
Farson then went on to explain that the candy tax was the only way to prevent global warming and that if she didn't agree she was a racist.
Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen has endorsed the tax, and is calling for children of wealthy Americans to have their unrealized candy gains taxed at 80% for 28,000 years to pay for Biden's Build Back Better plan.
Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job: