NORFOLK, VA — Local dad Cory Logan glanced up from his iPhone today to mutter something or other to his teenage son about the dangers of technology.
"I think Dad started to say that humans were losing connection with something, but then he trailed off when he got a Twitter update," said Mr. Logan's son Bryan. "I couldn't really understand his mumbling, but he also seemed to be saying something about the dangers of corn. Not really sure what that's all about."
Mr. Logan had recently spent several hours reading on his phone about the dangers of too much screen time and became concerned. "I don't think teenagers truly understand the negative effects of staying constantly plugged in," said Mr. Logan. "When we're trying to watch Netflix as a family, I'll look up from doing work on my tablet, and there Bryan is, on his phone! It's a real addiction. I think he needs help."
According to sources, Mrs. Logan has also started to worry about the influence of social media on young teenagers. "These kids are just too young to be exposed to this garbage!" said Mrs. Logan, as she paid the bill for her son's phone, internet, and data plan. "I don't know what to do though. I don't want Bryan to not have any screens, what if he doesn't fit in with the other kids at public school? That would be so terrible!"
At publishing time, Bryan had reportedly asked if everyone could put their phones down and maybe play a fun game like he sometimes sees families doing on TikTok.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
