TERRE HAUTE, IN—According to sources close to the Johnsons, the family of five was excitedly anticipating their biannual visit to Maple Hill Community Church Christmas morning, where they will get to catch up with fellow church members they have not seen since they attended church on Easter morning, earlier this year.
“I wonder how the Bakers are doing,” Laurel Johnson said as her husband Bill checked what time the special Christmas service would be on Sunday morning. “Chloe will have had the baby by now. Man, it feels like we only get to see them a couple times a year.”
“I heard Greyson went off to college already. I’m so excited to hear how his first semester went.”
Mrs. Johnson even searched for a few of her close church friends on Facebook, so she would be caught up on how their lives were going when she began her twice-yearly interaction with the body of Christ. She reportedly clicked through several dozen photo albums, commenting on how much various people had changed since they last saw them almost nine months ago.
“I can’t wait to see my brothers and sisters in Christ for the first time since March,” Mr. Johnson said. “It sounds crazy, but sometimes I wonder if we should consider upping our church attendance to three times per year.”
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.