NEW YORK CITY, NY — Facing a significant budget crisis, Mayor Zohran Mamdani confirmed he had called his mother to ask if he can borrow $4 billion.
"As a responsible mayor, I'm not afraid to ask my mommy for more money," Mamdani told reporters on Wednesday. "Hey, that rhymes! Still got that flow from my rapper days."
Mamdani's proposed budget calls for several new social welfare expenditures, but faces a slight $4.7 billion shortfall . "We have enough money right now to run the city as normal, but normal isn't good enough," Mamdani said, holding up a defiant fist against math. "We need free buses, free healthcare, and a working gulag! Can you believe New York didn't have a gulag? It's shameful!"
Cuts to police funding and a major tax on the rich have failed to close the city's budget gap. According to city accountants, unless Mamdani's mother agrees to loan him the money, the city will be bankrupt in less than a month. Mamdani isn't worried, however, as he said he will simply tax his mother if she refuses to hand the money over.
Mamdani has also considered selling the mayor's residence and moving back into his mother's basement while he takes on a second job at the city-managed grocery store to make ends meet. "I have an interview there on Monday," he said. "I think there's a good chance they let me bag the groceries if I don't outlaw plastic."
At publishing time, Mamdani had been grounded for two weeks by his mother.
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