Tech
Facebook Can Now Translate Your Friends' Intentionally Vague Status Updates

MENLO PARK, CA—In a move to help Facebook users understand passive-aggressive or intentionally vague status updates, the social media company has rolled out a new translation service that will automatically translate your friends’ enigmatic posts.

The service claims to be able to figure out whatever juicy drama your friends are posting about in a deliberately vague fashion and immediately provide an accurate translation.

Users coming across a melodramatic post they don’t understand can simply click the “See Translation” button Facebook just rolled out, and the website will append a translation to the post underneath the original text, according to Facebook representatives.

“Our new algorithm can figure out exactly why Staci keeps posting about how much she ‘hates fake people,’ or why Paula always posts that she ‘just hates all this drama right now’ so you don’t even have to ask them what’s wrong,” a Facebook engineer said. “From thinly veiled attacks on frenemies they’re currently fighting with to attempts to bait others into asking how they’re doing, our powerful translation program can handle any kind of vague status update.”

“It’s a service that’s been a long time coming,” she added.

At publishing time, Facebook had promised to roll out a future update to the platform that would automatically block your friends’ check-ins at the gym.

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