SAN DIEGO, CA—Stressing that it’s “really necessary,” local woman Lisa Jones announced Saturday evening that the extra 45 minutes of sleep she’ll gain from skipping church in the morning is really going to make a huge difference in her week. “If I go to church tomorrow, my sleep-minutes for the last seven days will only be at 3315,” Jones explained. “That’s not going to cut it—that’ll put a damper on my whole week. I’ve got to have 3350–3360 minutes of sleep in any given seven-day window in order to really be at my best. So I’m going to pass on corporate worship in the morning—don’t worry, God understands—and I’ll get those extra few Zs and get my week started off the right way.”
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