WASHINGTON, D.C. - As staffers and cabinet members fled the White House while spontaneous fires broke out all over the crumbling building Monday, President Donald Trump reportedly reclined at the Oval Office desk and took to Twitter to confirm that "everything is fine."
"This is fine. Everything is fine here. MSM pretending my administration is imploding. Wrong!" he posted to his Twitter account shortly after the firing of communications director Anthony Scaramucci after only ten days on the job.
"Sad that media makes up lies about my administration to pump up ratings - total disaster!" he added, putting his feet up on the desk as a piece of flaming wreckage dropped just inches from his head.
According to White House insiders, Trump continued calmly working on several pending executive orders and other open items even as the foundations of the building cracked and several administration aides lept out windows with their hair on fire as the administration continued to implode at a rapid pace.