Home > U.S. > Engineer Frustrated At Inability To Tell Responsible Citizens From Train R...
U.S.
Engineer Frustrated At Inability To Tell Responsible Citizens From Train Robbers

U.S.—Wearing masks has become a big part of life these days as we try to protect each other from infection, but one group has found this particularly troublesome: engineers, who now have a big problem telling responsible citizens from train robbers.

“When you drive a train, there is one thing you always look out for,” said engineer Hubert Pearson. “Train robbers! So as you go down those rails, you’re always looking side to side for people with bandanas over their faces -- but that’s everyone these days!”

Pearson said that the other day while transporting goods, three men on horseback with masks on and waving guns around ran up beside his locomotive. He thought he was going to get robbed, but it turned out they were just Texans showing off their new gun purchases to each other while practicing proper social distancing (on horseback).

“And the other day some woman walking her dog while wearing a mask comes up to me,” related Pearson. “Responsible citizen, right? Nope! Lady train robber! Get more of them these days thanks to feminism. Lost a whole cross-country shipment of essential oils.”

Engineers aren’t the only ones having trouble with the new status quo, though. Bank tellers have also had difficulty adjusting, and some have been hitting the silent alarm on every single customer.

Breaking: Paypal Now Available

Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.

There are 18 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.