AUSTIN, TX — Shockwaves were felt throughout financial markets late last night as inventor and entrepreneur Elon Musk was left totally bankrupt due to eating a single meal at Five Guys.
The founder of Tesla and SpaceX and current owner of social media platform X, who had been the world's wealthiest man, now faced the necessity of selling off massive amounts of stock in his companies to cover the price of his bacon cheeseburger, regular fries, and milkshake.
"This is disconcerting," Musk was heard saying as he left the local Five Guys location. "I was just hungry and craving a burger. But I wanted a decent burger, so that ruled out Whataburger. I decided to go to Five Guys, but never in my wildest dreams did I expect it to leave me in the poorhouse. The production of the new Tesla Roadster may have to be put on hold due to this meal, I'm afraid."
Experts warned of the danger of sudden economic instability throughout global markets as a result of Musk's new financial hardship. "This may have negative consequences worldwide," said one economist. "Having someone the level of Elon Musk fall into financial ruin will lead to a sharp decline in industrial growth, with national economies potentially being pushed to the brink of collapse… all because of a cheeseburger."
At publishing time, Musk expressed confidence that he could turn things around, even mentioning the possibility of buying out Five Guys in the future and changing its name to Five Hot Chicks.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
