WASHINGTON, D.C. — Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren called for a dramatic change to the U.S. tax code that would apply an additional 90% tax rate on puppies.
Warren argued that the benefits of puppy ownership, such as joy, should be a benefit for all Americans. A flat puppy tax across the board, she said, was the only way to redistribute what she calls "puppy wealth."
"Puppies are adorable. I get it. But what if someone is allergic? They miss out on the joy of puppies, and that's not right," Warren said. "I don't think it's too much to ask that puppy owners to simply pay their fair share in taxes."
During her presentation, she held up a poster board with a picture of a child who doesn't own any puppies. "This is Sam," she explained. "He doesn't have any puppies. I want him to know that owning puppies is a human right, which is why we must tax puppies in order to put puppies in the hands of anyone who wants one."
If signed into law, Warren's "Puppy Tax" would apply a flat 90% tax rate on the purchase of puppies and puppy products, with proceeds going to animal shelter projects and various progressive causes completely unrelated to puppies in any way.
Republicans pounced on what they called Warren's "Tax on Joy" and vowed to oppose it. "A free American shouldn't have to pay the government to have a cute little puppy lick their face," Senator Ted Cruz said.
Warren also called on Congress to close tax loopholes that she claimed incentivize the sale of puppies. "Old dogs need love, too," she said.
At publishing time, puppy sales had plummeted significantly, leading to the collapse of the pet industry.
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